What does Zora Neale Hurston, Pauli Murray, my Mom and Me have in common?
1. WE are black
2. WE are women
3. WE like to think we were born ahead of our time
4. We don’t quite feel we fit in a neat box and as such a little under-appreciated!
My mom died a while back. Today marks the anniversary of her death in 2009. And while I surely miss her and them; I am at peace. I think she lived a good life and the grief I experience most comes in waves of both sadness and incredible joy. I do often wonder what she might think of all sorts of things. Yet I also know that however tempting it is to use my 2023 lens on her life; it is way more intriguing to think of what she must have encountered; her dreams and to have both honor, and compassion with her frailties, accomplishments, and successes.
She was a good mom and a good woman, and she taught me almost all I needed to live a good life. She encouraged me to follow my dreams, to not be afraid, and gifted me with her love of beauty, poetry, hope, persistence, resilience, and possibility. I am totally over (finally) for blaming her for all that’s wrong with my life and what she didn’t do.
While Pauli Murray and Zora Neal Hurston were not bio moms, they had so many “children” and spiritual daughters and nieces, and nephews who greatly benefit from their willingness to share stories, struggles, frustrations and successes.
For us lovers of herstory in the first-person narrative; it makes their wisdom all the more magical.
If you have a mom or a woman in your life that you’d like to know more about; this is always a good time to ask questions, talk to them and most importantly listen without judging. Be a holy witness. Make a recording if they say it’s OK… use your very smart phone! Take the time to give them a copy, so they too can hear their story in their own voice.
I jotted down a quote I think from a Medium post or somewhere in my reading travels that has really stuck with me. If any of you recognize the quote, please help me with the proper attribution. It speaks to the moral dilemma that comes where what you want or what your interests, dreams, or even your education and credentials prepares you for something that the world is not quite ready for. It doesn’t exist (as yet) or you are seen by someone or even yourself as not quite the right fit. The experience you envision may occur in a future dimension or somewhere where you are not.
Here is the quote with a requisite reference indeed to Socrates.
“Every time you do wrong you bend your soul the wrong way, and when you act rightly you give your soul a brighter shine, a little beauty. Acting rightly brings your soul into greater harmony; wrongdoing splits your soul into bits that make war on each other. That is why Socrates (https://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/gorgias/section4/) famously said that it is worse to do wrong than to have wrong done to you.
A broken soul can be impossible to live with — both for you and for those you love. A broken soul is hard to trust, and love does not survive”
quote by ??? author not me to be determined soon
People like my mom, and Zora, and Pauli, and now me at soon to be 69 this week all lived with this conundrum with flourish without EVER discouraging anyone else from their dreams. They were polished extenders of encouragement, no matter their disappointments and despair.
For my mom, she didnt limit herself on lavishing those of any age though she was keen on gently nurturing the five-year-olds of her world and thought her kindergarten classroom was her palatial calling.
Indeed if I have any sadness today at all it is that my youngest three grandchildren did not get to meet her, born after her death it is their time, the right time for they get to know me and I have agreed willingly to do my part.
If you learn nothing else from our hard one MLK Federal Holiday, we celebrate his birth on January 15th, but it is his death and murder and what comes between the birth and death that is of such value. All of us can have a powerful impact on someone’s life even if we don’t get credit or it seems not to be working out for you or them at the time.
So choose wisely to share your gifts. Be kind and agree to a simple pleasure that you can celebrate someone’s birth and you can celebrate their death and all memories good and bad both at the same time. You would be wise to learn from their lives what you can about love and keep it moving. Say thank you.
NOTES…
…Poems, and books and films
Pauli Murray and Zora Neale Hurston
